A "not so bright" young man decided that he wanted to build his own house. His only problem was that he was a bit short on money so he decided to
design it himself, get ONLY those materials necessary, and then do the building, all himself.
He did the designing and got it approved - then he sat down and figured out just exactly what he would need. After a lot of figuing and counting he
had his final numbers, right down to the number of nails needed to do this project. He called his local builder's supply house and eventually
everything arrived on-site and he was ready to go. First thing, though, was to count the materials and make sure he had exactly enough to do the
job. He counted lumber; 2x4's - right, 2x6's - right, 2x8's - right, 2x12's - right. He counted pipe - right. He counted wire - right. He counted
flowers for the flower garden - right. He even counted grass seed - right. Each of these things were compared to the plans that he had drawn and
everything came out exactly.
After many months of working day and night, the day finally came when he could call it all finished. The whole house was done and furnished.
Electricity and water were on, cable TV was up and running, even the phone was set up just like he wanted. The yard was landscaped, seeded and
growing, the flower beds were all in place and blooming. Even the swimming pool was filled and ready to go.
He went out in the front yard on that first morning, just to look at and admire his creation. It really was a beautiful house. Among some of its'
more notable features were the 6 large bedrooms, the double front doors with glass side-panels and a large glass crown over the whole thing, the
kitchen that a French chef would kill for, 4 full baths and 2 half-baths. For a single guy, this was a house one could be rather comfortable in.
Anyway, as he was admiring this thing, he was roaming around the yard, taking it in from all angles. As he rounded a flower bed he suddenly tripped
and fell right on his nose. As he got up he looked around and, would you believe it? He found a brick laying in the middle of the yard - not a part of
anything, just a brick.
Now, he had been pretty careful all along. He immediately figured that there had to be a mistake somewhere along the line. After all, he had
designed this house, he had counted the materials needed and counted what he got when it was all delivered. Everything was right. But in his hand
was a brick, a brick that shouldn't have been there.
So, he went back to the beginning - right back to the plans. He poured over the plans for 2 days and came to the same conclusion - his original
numbers had been right. The he checked his original order - again, perfect. He checked the invoice - perfect still. He even checked his count when
everything had originally arrived - perfect in every respect. BUT, he had a brick in his hands. Finally, he figured that SOMEWHERE there had to
be a brick missing on his house. He walked around the house with his plans in-hand, counting the bricks, row by row. He counted the front of the
house - right. He counted the left side of the house - perfect. He counted the right side of the house - perfict. He counted the back of the house
- perfect again. He counted the bricks in the chimney - you know it, perfect. He even counted the bricks around each and every flower bed, along
the sidewalks, along the driveway, around the pool, in the fireplace, everywhere - perfect.
For days, he went on counting - over and over. Finally, one day, in a fit of frustration, HE THREW THE BRICK UP IN THE AIR!!!!!!!!!!
(the end)
(I'm sorry)
.
The Little Old Lady
(also known as Brick Joke, part 2
This little old lady finally did it - she won the super-super-super lotto! She had more money than most people can even imagine. She had more
money than most governments can imagine, even a government full of Democrats. No more bills, no more penny pinching. The order of the day was
SPEND, SPEND, SPEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First thing she did was hire a taxi to take her to a car dealer, even gave the taxi driver a $10,000 tip for being "such a nice gentleman". After
looking around at Porsches, Mercedes Benz's, Saab's, Volvo's, Jaguar's and several others, she found just exactly the car she was looking for - a
Rolls Royce super-stretched limo. Only problem was, it had been specially built for some corporate big-wig. Solution to that problem was simple,
$100,000 tip to the salesman along with full cash payment for the car - suddenly, it's hers'. Another glitch cropped up though - she had never
driven a car in her life, didn't even have a drivers' license. No problem, hire a man to drive it for her and, just to make sure he would take good
care of the car, pay him $1,500 per day. So, now she had wheels, and what wheels they were! And she had a chauffeur to drive her anywhere she
wanted. Life was good!
Next item was to find a suitable house to move into. After all, with all her money she could no longer live in her old apartment. She called her
chauffeur and off they went. She visited one real estate agent after the other but none of them had anything even remotely close to what she had
in mind. Finally, she went to a building contractor and described what she wanted. After a few days, he showed her some plans of what he had
designed for her - it was a veritable castle! She approved it and told him he could have a special bonus if he could build it within 30 days, even gave
him $20,000,000 to get it all started right away. Wouldn't you know, he got the job done - 28 days. She looked around the house and everything
was just fine, even the rose garden was in place. True to her word, she paid the rest of the bill (several million more) and gave the contractor
$1,000,000 as the bonus she had promised. She even gave each of the 50 men that worked on the house $10,000 just because they worked so
hard. Now she had it made - nice car, nice house. Life was GOOD!
The third item she really had wanted all her life was a boat. Sure enough, after visiting several marinas she found just the boat she wanted - 180
feet long, crew of 25. Needless to say, she paid cash for the boat and gave each of the crewmen a salary of $1,500 per day.
Life was really good!
But after a few days, she became lonely. After all, money can't buy everything - or can it? The little old lady decided that what she needed was a
puppy to keep her company. Once again, she called out her faithful chauffeur and off they went to a pet shop. The first one didn't have what she
wanted, neither did the 2nd or 3rd. Finally, after about a dozen places she found just the right puppy - floppy ears, sad puppy-dog eyes, the whole
bit. NOW, she was happy again.
Wouldn't you know, she got that itch again. A few days later the little old lady decided that it was time to join the "jet set", with her own airplane.
Once again, she called out her chauffeur and off they went to the local airplane factory - you know, the one named Boeing. She described what she
wanted to the plant manager and sure enough, he had one - a 747, set up party style. But she couldn't have it. This plane had been built for some
sheik, but he could build another for her. Nope, that wasn't good enough - she had to have THAT PARTICULAR AIRPLANE. So, once again she fell
back on her simple tactic - offered him cash for the plane (all $200,000,000 of the cost) and a little something for him ($10,000,000) for being
"an understanding old gentleman". Needless to say, the plane was hers. Once again, she called the most exclusive hiring agency she could find -
same one that got her such a nice chauffeur for her Rolls, and they came through. Best crew money can buy, everybody gets a salary of $1,500 per
day, working or not.
NOW, LIFE WAS TRULY GOOD!!!!!!!
Next morning when the little old lady got up, she decided it was time to call the airport and take a ride on ner new toy. She called her chauffeur,
picked up her puppy and off they went to the airport.
When she got there, the crew was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, red carpet in place, everything shiny and bright.
Up the stairs she went, followed by her puppy, the chauffeur and the entire crew. While the pilot was starting the engines and getting everything
ready to go, the stewards and stewardesses were making sure the little old lady was all settled in and as comfortable as possible. After a bit, the
pilot called back to the little old lady and asked where they were going on this fine morning. She told him it didn't really matter, she just wanted
to take a nice smooth ride and be pampered a bit. So, off they went.
A little while into the flight, the little old lady smelled something - something really awful. She checked her deodorant - OK. She looked under her
seat, nothing there. She checked all over the place, couldn't find it. She got the stewards and stewardesses looking for the source of this
terrible smell - couldn't find a thing. Finally, it came to her that the smell was strongest towards the front of the plane. She went up-stairs and it
was REALLY strong there. Next thing she knew, she opened the cockpit door and there was the pilot, feet propped up on the dashboard with a
glass of wine in one hand and a cigar in the other. She reached over his shoulder and took the cigar away from him. She opened the window, threw
the cigar out, closed the window and told the pilot that she didn't like cigars on her airplane.
Everything's settled, right? She went back to her seat and got all comfy again, puppy on her lap, people pampering her like she had never been
pampered.
LIFE WAS REALLY REALLY GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But, life has a way of turning on people. Sure enough, after a bit that smell came back. Momma having raised no fool, she knows right where to go.
The little old lady bounced up the stairs and went straight to the cockpit. She popped open the cockpit door and, sure enough, there was the pilot,
feet propped up on the dashboard with a glass of wine in one hand and another cigar in the other. She grabbed the cigar from his hand, threw open
the window, hurled the cigar out the window and told the pilot that when they got to the ground, he was fired.
Then she went back to her seat and got all comfy again. Her beloved puppy was on her lap, movies showing on the screen, people pampering her.
LIFE WAS REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD!!!!!!!!
There was a scratch!
A scratch on her brand new airplane!!!!!!!
A scratch!!!!!!!!
It started right under the cockpit window and went all the way back along the side of the plane.
She followed the scratch all the way back along the plane to the rear, and simply couldn't believe her eyes. Hanging on to the very back end of the
elevator, by just a finger nail, was her beloved puppy.
And, he had something in his mouth!!!!!
Know what it was?
The brick.
design it himself, get ONLY those materials necessary, and then do the building, all himself.
He did the designing and got it approved - then he sat down and figured out just exactly what he would need. After a lot of figuing and counting he
had his final numbers, right down to the number of nails needed to do this project. He called his local builder's supply house and eventually
everything arrived on-site and he was ready to go. First thing, though, was to count the materials and make sure he had exactly enough to do the
job. He counted lumber; 2x4's - right, 2x6's - right, 2x8's - right, 2x12's - right. He counted pipe - right. He counted wire - right. He counted
flowers for the flower garden - right. He even counted grass seed - right. Each of these things were compared to the plans that he had drawn and
everything came out exactly.
After many months of working day and night, the day finally came when he could call it all finished. The whole house was done and furnished.
Electricity and water were on, cable TV was up and running, even the phone was set up just like he wanted. The yard was landscaped, seeded and
growing, the flower beds were all in place and blooming. Even the swimming pool was filled and ready to go.
He went out in the front yard on that first morning, just to look at and admire his creation. It really was a beautiful house. Among some of its'
more notable features were the 6 large bedrooms, the double front doors with glass side-panels and a large glass crown over the whole thing, the
kitchen that a French chef would kill for, 4 full baths and 2 half-baths. For a single guy, this was a house one could be rather comfortable in.
Anyway, as he was admiring this thing, he was roaming around the yard, taking it in from all angles. As he rounded a flower bed he suddenly tripped
and fell right on his nose. As he got up he looked around and, would you believe it? He found a brick laying in the middle of the yard - not a part of
anything, just a brick.
Now, he had been pretty careful all along. He immediately figured that there had to be a mistake somewhere along the line. After all, he had
designed this house, he had counted the materials needed and counted what he got when it was all delivered. Everything was right. But in his hand
was a brick, a brick that shouldn't have been there.
So, he went back to the beginning - right back to the plans. He poured over the plans for 2 days and came to the same conclusion - his original
numbers had been right. The he checked his original order - again, perfect. He checked the invoice - perfect still. He even checked his count when
everything had originally arrived - perfect in every respect. BUT, he had a brick in his hands. Finally, he figured that SOMEWHERE there had to
be a brick missing on his house. He walked around the house with his plans in-hand, counting the bricks, row by row. He counted the front of the
house - right. He counted the left side of the house - perfect. He counted the right side of the house - perfict. He counted the back of the house
- perfect again. He counted the bricks in the chimney - you know it, perfect. He even counted the bricks around each and every flower bed, along
the sidewalks, along the driveway, around the pool, in the fireplace, everywhere - perfect.
For days, he went on counting - over and over. Finally, one day, in a fit of frustration, HE THREW THE BRICK UP IN THE AIR!!!!!!!!!!
(the end)
(I'm sorry)
.
The Little Old Lady
(also known as Brick Joke, part 2
This little old lady finally did it - she won the super-super-super lotto! She had more money than most people can even imagine. She had more
money than most governments can imagine, even a government full of Democrats. No more bills, no more penny pinching. The order of the day was
SPEND, SPEND, SPEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First thing she did was hire a taxi to take her to a car dealer, even gave the taxi driver a $10,000 tip for being "such a nice gentleman". After
looking around at Porsches, Mercedes Benz's, Saab's, Volvo's, Jaguar's and several others, she found just exactly the car she was looking for - a
Rolls Royce super-stretched limo. Only problem was, it had been specially built for some corporate big-wig. Solution to that problem was simple,
$100,000 tip to the salesman along with full cash payment for the car - suddenly, it's hers'. Another glitch cropped up though - she had never
driven a car in her life, didn't even have a drivers' license. No problem, hire a man to drive it for her and, just to make sure he would take good
care of the car, pay him $1,500 per day. So, now she had wheels, and what wheels they were! And she had a chauffeur to drive her anywhere she
wanted. Life was good!
Next item was to find a suitable house to move into. After all, with all her money she could no longer live in her old apartment. She called her
chauffeur and off they went. She visited one real estate agent after the other but none of them had anything even remotely close to what she had
in mind. Finally, she went to a building contractor and described what she wanted. After a few days, he showed her some plans of what he had
designed for her - it was a veritable castle! She approved it and told him he could have a special bonus if he could build it within 30 days, even gave
him $20,000,000 to get it all started right away. Wouldn't you know, he got the job done - 28 days. She looked around the house and everything
was just fine, even the rose garden was in place. True to her word, she paid the rest of the bill (several million more) and gave the contractor
$1,000,000 as the bonus she had promised. She even gave each of the 50 men that worked on the house $10,000 just because they worked so
hard. Now she had it made - nice car, nice house. Life was GOOD!
The third item she really had wanted all her life was a boat. Sure enough, after visiting several marinas she found just the boat she wanted - 180
feet long, crew of 25. Needless to say, she paid cash for the boat and gave each of the crewmen a salary of $1,500 per day.
Life was really good!
But after a few days, she became lonely. After all, money can't buy everything - or can it? The little old lady decided that what she needed was a
puppy to keep her company. Once again, she called out her faithful chauffeur and off they went to a pet shop. The first one didn't have what she
wanted, neither did the 2nd or 3rd. Finally, after about a dozen places she found just the right puppy - floppy ears, sad puppy-dog eyes, the whole
bit. NOW, she was happy again.
Wouldn't you know, she got that itch again. A few days later the little old lady decided that it was time to join the "jet set", with her own airplane.
Once again, she called out her chauffeur and off they went to the local airplane factory - you know, the one named Boeing. She described what she
wanted to the plant manager and sure enough, he had one - a 747, set up party style. But she couldn't have it. This plane had been built for some
sheik, but he could build another for her. Nope, that wasn't good enough - she had to have THAT PARTICULAR AIRPLANE. So, once again she fell
back on her simple tactic - offered him cash for the plane (all $200,000,000 of the cost) and a little something for him ($10,000,000) for being
"an understanding old gentleman". Needless to say, the plane was hers. Once again, she called the most exclusive hiring agency she could find -
same one that got her such a nice chauffeur for her Rolls, and they came through. Best crew money can buy, everybody gets a salary of $1,500 per
day, working or not.
NOW, LIFE WAS TRULY GOOD!!!!!!!
Next morning when the little old lady got up, she decided it was time to call the airport and take a ride on ner new toy. She called her chauffeur,
picked up her puppy and off they went to the airport.
When she got there, the crew was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, red carpet in place, everything shiny and bright.
Up the stairs she went, followed by her puppy, the chauffeur and the entire crew. While the pilot was starting the engines and getting everything
ready to go, the stewards and stewardesses were making sure the little old lady was all settled in and as comfortable as possible. After a bit, the
pilot called back to the little old lady and asked where they were going on this fine morning. She told him it didn't really matter, she just wanted
to take a nice smooth ride and be pampered a bit. So, off they went.
A little while into the flight, the little old lady smelled something - something really awful. She checked her deodorant - OK. She looked under her
seat, nothing there. She checked all over the place, couldn't find it. She got the stewards and stewardesses looking for the source of this
terrible smell - couldn't find a thing. Finally, it came to her that the smell was strongest towards the front of the plane. She went up-stairs and it
was REALLY strong there. Next thing she knew, she opened the cockpit door and there was the pilot, feet propped up on the dashboard with a
glass of wine in one hand and a cigar in the other. She reached over his shoulder and took the cigar away from him. She opened the window, threw
the cigar out, closed the window and told the pilot that she didn't like cigars on her airplane.
Everything's settled, right? She went back to her seat and got all comfy again, puppy on her lap, people pampering her like she had never been
pampered.
LIFE WAS REALLY REALLY GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But, life has a way of turning on people. Sure enough, after a bit that smell came back. Momma having raised no fool, she knows right where to go.
The little old lady bounced up the stairs and went straight to the cockpit. She popped open the cockpit door and, sure enough, there was the pilot,
feet propped up on the dashboard with a glass of wine in one hand and another cigar in the other. She grabbed the cigar from his hand, threw open
the window, hurled the cigar out the window and told the pilot that when they got to the ground, he was fired.
Then she went back to her seat and got all comfy again. Her beloved puppy was on her lap, movies showing on the screen, people pampering her.
LIFE WAS REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD!!!!!!!!
There was a scratch!
A scratch on her brand new airplane!!!!!!!
A scratch!!!!!!!!
It started right under the cockpit window and went all the way back along the side of the plane.
She followed the scratch all the way back along the plane to the rear, and simply couldn't believe her eyes. Hanging on to the very back end of the
elevator, by just a finger nail, was her beloved puppy.
And, he had something in his mouth!!!!!
Know what it was?
The brick.
| "Brick Joke" Printer-friendly version Not for those with attention disorders. This is just the basic joke, feel free to drag it out to doomsday - the longer the better, separates the men from the boys. |
