HOW MANY HORSEPERSONS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?
WESTERN PLEASURE RIDERS: Oh, my God, someone fix that bulb, I have to have light so that my silver and
spangles all glow to their best and so that all the high-lighter on Old Peanut Head makes his nose look so smooth and
sparkly and oh, my diamond studs have to flash in the light, you know, so oh, someone has to fix it. Oh, maybe you
without all the silver on your saddle, obviously you can't ride, you can do it.
ENDURANCE RIDER: Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse/respiration/hydration levels
down to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing
a light bulb.
DRESSAGE QUEEN: Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to subject myself to
such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished.
The very thought!
CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN: These things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great
patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain
its true potential, but will forever just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use any type of gadget when
changing the light bulb. That is an offense to the principles of classical light bulb changing.
EVENTERS: Wuss! As soon as my arm is out of this sling, broken after falling off at that large stone wall while
riding Hell Bent for Leather cross country, I'll change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It'll put hair on your chest.
Only dressage riders require lights, anyway.
SHOW JUMPER: Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun shines
out of my butt. Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators are practically blinded.
HUNTER RIDER: Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he's changing light bulbs somewhere
else right now.
BACKYARD HORSEMAN: Do I have to do everything??!! Oh yeah, I do, don't I? I'll get to it as soon as I'm done
mucking stalls, cleaning and filling the troughs, cleaning and filling the water buckets, stacking my hay, setting up for
night feeding, cleaning my tack, picking out manure from the paddock, brushing and exercising the horses, and
whatever else needs to be done around here.
NATURAL HORSEMAN: You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the alpha light bulb, using
"light bulb dynamics" (video set available at $179.00 on my Web site). Once you have done this, you will find that
there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that with very little coaxing from you (using patented
"light bulb coaxer" designed by me - $99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get an introductory video thrown in) the
light bulb will behave as all good light bulbs should.
.
HOW MANY HORSES DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?
THOROUGHBRED: Who ME? Do WHAT? I'm scared of light bulbs! I'm outta here!
ARABIAN: Someone else do it. It might get my silky mane dirty and besides, who's gonna read me the instructions?
QUARTER HORSE: Put all the bulbs in a pen and tell me which one you want.
STANDARDBRED: Oh, for Pete's Sake, give me the darn bulb and let's be done with it.
SHETLAND: Give it to me. I'll kill it and we won't have to worry about it anymore.
FRIESIAN: I would, but I can't see where I'm going from behind all this mane.
BELGIAN: Put the Shetland on my back, maybe he can reach it then.
WARMBLOOD: Is the 2nd Level Instruction Packet in English? Doesn't anyone realize that I was sold for $75-K
as a yearling, but only because my hocks are bad, otherwise I would be worth $100-K? I am NOT changing light
bulbs. Make the TB get back here and do it.
MORGAN: Me! Me! Me! Pleeeease let me! I wanna do it! I'm gonna do it! I know how, really I do! Just watch!
My parole officer said it's okay, really! And when we're done we can go over to the neighbor's and chase their cats!
APPALOOSA: Y'all are a bunch of losers. We don't need to change the light bulb, I ain't scared of the dark. And
someone make that darn Morgan stop jumping up and down before I double-barrel him.
HAFLINGER: That thing I ate was a light bulb?
Submitted in Yahoo Group "Hoofbeats In Heaven"
WESTERN PLEASURE RIDERS: Oh, my God, someone fix that bulb, I have to have light so that my silver and
spangles all glow to their best and so that all the high-lighter on Old Peanut Head makes his nose look so smooth and
sparkly and oh, my diamond studs have to flash in the light, you know, so oh, someone has to fix it. Oh, maybe you
without all the silver on your saddle, obviously you can't ride, you can do it.
ENDURANCE RIDER: Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse/respiration/hydration levels
down to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing
a light bulb.
DRESSAGE QUEEN: Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to subject myself to
such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished.
The very thought!
CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN: These things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great
patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain
its true potential, but will forever just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use any type of gadget when
changing the light bulb. That is an offense to the principles of classical light bulb changing.
EVENTERS: Wuss! As soon as my arm is out of this sling, broken after falling off at that large stone wall while
riding Hell Bent for Leather cross country, I'll change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It'll put hair on your chest.
Only dressage riders require lights, anyway.
SHOW JUMPER: Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun shines
out of my butt. Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators are practically blinded.
HUNTER RIDER: Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he's changing light bulbs somewhere
else right now.
BACKYARD HORSEMAN: Do I have to do everything??!! Oh yeah, I do, don't I? I'll get to it as soon as I'm done
mucking stalls, cleaning and filling the troughs, cleaning and filling the water buckets, stacking my hay, setting up for
night feeding, cleaning my tack, picking out manure from the paddock, brushing and exercising the horses, and
whatever else needs to be done around here.
NATURAL HORSEMAN: You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the alpha light bulb, using
"light bulb dynamics" (video set available at $179.00 on my Web site). Once you have done this, you will find that
there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that with very little coaxing from you (using patented
"light bulb coaxer" designed by me - $99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get an introductory video thrown in) the
light bulb will behave as all good light bulbs should.
.
HOW MANY HORSES DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?
THOROUGHBRED: Who ME? Do WHAT? I'm scared of light bulbs! I'm outta here!
ARABIAN: Someone else do it. It might get my silky mane dirty and besides, who's gonna read me the instructions?
QUARTER HORSE: Put all the bulbs in a pen and tell me which one you want.
STANDARDBRED: Oh, for Pete's Sake, give me the darn bulb and let's be done with it.
SHETLAND: Give it to me. I'll kill it and we won't have to worry about it anymore.
FRIESIAN: I would, but I can't see where I'm going from behind all this mane.
BELGIAN: Put the Shetland on my back, maybe he can reach it then.
WARMBLOOD: Is the 2nd Level Instruction Packet in English? Doesn't anyone realize that I was sold for $75-K
as a yearling, but only because my hocks are bad, otherwise I would be worth $100-K? I am NOT changing light
bulbs. Make the TB get back here and do it.
MORGAN: Me! Me! Me! Pleeeease let me! I wanna do it! I'm gonna do it! I know how, really I do! Just watch!
My parole officer said it's okay, really! And when we're done we can go over to the neighbor's and chase their cats!
APPALOOSA: Y'all are a bunch of losers. We don't need to change the light bulb, I ain't scared of the dark. And
someone make that darn Morgan stop jumping up and down before I double-barrel him.
HAFLINGER: That thing I ate was a light bulb?
Submitted in Yahoo Group "Hoofbeats In Heaven"
| Now, here's one that's a lot different - it's a joke/story. Had to put it here though, it's positively wonderful. |
| How Many Horses... |
