When I say "whoa" it means stop whatever you are doing and STAND STILL.
I notice you have no trouble whatsoever doing this when you are having a particularly vivid
daydream or are trying to figure out where the sound of a snack wrapper is coming from.
So, would it kill you to cease all forward, sideways, upward and/or backward movement for a
few moments when I ask?
Be a sport.
And speaking of snacks, I am not a magician. There is NOT a candy factory in each of my
sleeves and a carrot farm in each of my pockets. When they're gone, they're gone, and no
amount of chewing on my clothes, hands and hair will generate more. Neither will pawing to
China. But I hope you still like me, anyway.
The gate is easy for us both to go through, if we go through in the following order: Me, the
lead rope, your head, then your neck, then your shoulders, torso, butt and tail.
Going through it is much harder if you do it in the following, incorrect order:
Your right side, your left side, pivoting, your head, the lead rope, me, you again, me again.
You DO know how the poopie got on your food. Quit looking at me like that.
Please understand that when I grab your mouth and yank it open and invite a person with a
file to grind your teeth down ... when I douse you with a hose or run a strange, buzzing
machine all over your body that makes your fur itchy and short just when you wanted it long
and soft ... when I put a stupid mesh hat on you and spray you with chemicals ... this means "I
love you".
Rules for non-horsemen who complain about my horses:
1. The smell is BEAUTIFUL. It is one of nature's finest smells. If you don't like it, save
yourself some trouble and don't come over to my house or get into my car.
2. If you prefer a lifestyle free of shedding hairs, sprays of snot, random slobberings or
natural, organic fertilizer in your shoes, you may not be my kind of person.
3. I like my horse a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, he's a horse. To me, he's a family member who is big, hairy, walks on all fours
and is easily startled.
5. Horses are better than babies. They can amuse themselves all day long, they make much
less noise, their sh*t is nowhere near as gross, and THEY carry YOU around.
(Acquired from a Hoofbeats In Heaven member, used with her permission)
I notice you have no trouble whatsoever doing this when you are having a particularly vivid
daydream or are trying to figure out where the sound of a snack wrapper is coming from.
So, would it kill you to cease all forward, sideways, upward and/or backward movement for a
few moments when I ask?
Be a sport.
And speaking of snacks, I am not a magician. There is NOT a candy factory in each of my
sleeves and a carrot farm in each of my pockets. When they're gone, they're gone, and no
amount of chewing on my clothes, hands and hair will generate more. Neither will pawing to
China. But I hope you still like me, anyway.
The gate is easy for us both to go through, if we go through in the following order: Me, the
lead rope, your head, then your neck, then your shoulders, torso, butt and tail.
Going through it is much harder if you do it in the following, incorrect order:
Your right side, your left side, pivoting, your head, the lead rope, me, you again, me again.
You DO know how the poopie got on your food. Quit looking at me like that.
Please understand that when I grab your mouth and yank it open and invite a person with a
file to grind your teeth down ... when I douse you with a hose or run a strange, buzzing
machine all over your body that makes your fur itchy and short just when you wanted it long
and soft ... when I put a stupid mesh hat on you and spray you with chemicals ... this means "I
love you".
Rules for non-horsemen who complain about my horses:
1. The smell is BEAUTIFUL. It is one of nature's finest smells. If you don't like it, save
yourself some trouble and don't come over to my house or get into my car.
2. If you prefer a lifestyle free of shedding hairs, sprays of snot, random slobberings or
natural, organic fertilizer in your shoes, you may not be my kind of person.
3. I like my horse a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, he's a horse. To me, he's a family member who is big, hairy, walks on all fours
and is easily startled.
5. Horses are better than babies. They can amuse themselves all day long, they make much
less noise, their sh*t is nowhere near as gross, and THEY carry YOU around.
(Acquired from a Hoofbeats In Heaven member, used with her permission)
Dear Horse:
